What Is Your Child’s Love Language?

3. Words of Affirmation

You may think that words of affirmation mean praise. However, it goes deeper, as through words of affirmation, you can show your child what they mean to you, how much you love them, and even build their self-esteem. Children who prefer the love language of words of affirmation often use them a lot themselves. They might tell you “I love you!” or “You’re the best!” Or, they might request words of affirmation by asking for your approval. For example, your child might ask, “Do you like my drawing?”

Here are some creative ways to offer your child words of affirmation:

• Say “I love you!”, “I believe in you,” or, “I’m grateful to be your parent!”
• Add a note or picture to their lunchbox
• Put post-it notes on their door or mirror that say “I love you!” or “I’m grateful to be your parent!”
• Give your child a card
• Use descriptive praise to explain the benefits of their actions. For example, if your child helps with cleaning, you can say “That was so helpful! Now the table is clean!”

4. Physical Touch

This love language is all about hugs, kisses, and physical touch. Hugs can lower your body’s stress response and even benefit your immune system. Some children really like physical touch. Your child may request a lot of hugs, hang on your legs, or ask you to hold them. 

How can you show love through physical touch?

• Give your child a nice long hug
• Dance together
• Read a book together, with your child sitting in your lap
• Snuggle while watching a movie
• Make a secret handshake with your child
• Have a “happy fight” of light-hearted tussling

5. Acts of Service

If you feel your partner’s love when they take out the trash or do an extra chore, then you understand acts of service. It’s true that parents perform many acts of service for their children because children need help with many tasks. However, just like adults, children may feel love when you help them above and beyond what’s expected. 

This doesn’t mean you don’t expect your child to be independent. In fact, you can also help your child become more independent through acts of service. If your child likes acts of service, they might ask you to help tie their shoes or help them with a task. Here are some ideas to show your child love through acts of service:

• Help your child clean up their room
• Spoil your child with a warmed towel after a bubble bath
• Teach your child to be more independent. For example, teach them a new skill such as pouring a glass of water or how to make a favorite snack. 
• Support your child with something they find challenging. For example, learning a new skill related to their hobby such as crochet or a new song on the recorder.

How to Discover Your Child’s Love Language

Children may have a natural preference for showing or receiving a certain kind of love. One way to learn about your child’s love language is to notice how they show love and how they ask for love. 

Sometimes, we might misinterpret our children’s requests for love as misbehavior. As Montessori said, caregivers should “Respect all the reasonable forms of activity in which the child engages and try to understand them.” What are some of the behaviors we should consider?

• Your child is nagging you to play with them. Your child wants quality time. They may not be asking for it nicely, but your child wants your full attention. They may feel like you haven’t spent time with them. 

• Your child constantly says “Look at me!” “Watch this!” Your child is on the playground and constantly asks you to watch them and look at them. This is a sign your child is looking for words of affirmation or quality time.  

• Your child is in your personal space. Your child might poke you, hang on your leg, or pat you. Your child is looking for physical touch. You can respond with a big hug. 

• They ask for help with something they know how to do. For example, your child knows how to put on their socks, but asks for help. This may be your child’s way of asking for acts of service. 

What to Avoid When Showing Your Child Love

To show your child love, it’s also important to avoid certain actions or behaviors that make your child feel unimportant or neglected. These include:

• Being on the phone while with your child. Try to set the phone aside while eating dinner together or when you’re enjoying an activity together. 
• Not giving your child attention during family/friends social time. It’s easy to say “I’m busy talking to your grandma,” and shoo your child away. However, it’s also important to dedicate some time to them during these events to show them that they are also an important part of the family. 
• Lack of communication. It’s important to share new plans or changes in plans with children. This shows them that you consider their feelings and needs. 
• Saying no instead of explaining. Sometimes parents say “No, because I say so.” This doesn’t help children understand the reasoning behind decisions. Instead, when parents make an effort to explain, children understand that parents have many considerations. 
• Saying negative things about your child. Even if your child overhears you saying negative things, this can hurt their feelings. It’s the same for adults. Adults’ feelings can be hurt if they hear others saying negative things about them. 

Showing Love is a Choice Every Day

Even in loving relationships, nobody is perfect. Remember to apologize to your child if you make a mistake and do your best to show love every day. 

What’s your child’s love language? Take some time to think about it and observe your child. By showing love to your child in their preferred love language, you can grow your relationship stronger than ever. 

Do you want your child to go to school in a loving environment that promotes holistic education? Montessori Learning Centre is a leading Montessori preschool in Calgary. Get in touch to learn about our Calgary daycare and preschool programs.